When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
