Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
