i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
