I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
