an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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