I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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