I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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