So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize