I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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