I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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