I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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