Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
