The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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