its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.