so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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