I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"