You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize