He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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