Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
