i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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