next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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