so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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