Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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