I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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