Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize