Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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