Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You were trust falling into bushes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
