Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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