its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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