i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
