): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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