no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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