Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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