Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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