Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize