Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
