when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
