So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
