There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
