Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
