Only a mothe r could love this liver
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
