I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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