You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
