i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
