well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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