nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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