Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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