so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't notice because vodka
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
