oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
