Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
