haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
