I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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