Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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