i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
