i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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