I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
