the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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