I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
