my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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