Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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