If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my poor anus
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
