Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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