Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids

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(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I had a frozen water bed.

(253): View more from Washington

best. idea. ever.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime

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(812): View more from Indiana

Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts

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(706): View more from Georgia

Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.

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(416): View more from Toronto

BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

So unmotivated today.

(808): View more from Hawaii

Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.

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(619): View more from California

I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.

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