So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
