with your own penis?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
