umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
